How to Select an
Expert in Parental
Alienation
Asociaţia Română
pentru Custodia Comună
Parental alienation, a family dynamic in which one
parent engages in behaviors that are likely to foster a child's unjustified
rejection of the other parent, is all too common. By some estimates 80% of all
divorcing parents engage in some PA behaviors (Clawar & Rivlin, 1992).
Although, not all children exposed to PA behaviors become alienated
(unjustifiably reject one parent and align with the other), rates of alienation
in children may be as high as 1% (Bernet, Boch-Galhau, Baker, & Morrison,
2010). A body of research now exists establishing the negative long-term
effects of exposure to PA behaviors for children (e.g., Baker & Eichler,
2014; Bernet, Baker, & Verrocchio, 2015; Verrocchio & Baker, 2015).
Some research, along with a host of memoirs, also documents the extremely
painful experience of alienation for the targeted parents (e.g., Baker, 2006;
Baker, & 2006; Baker & Fine, 2014).
Many targeted
parents find themselves involved with legal as well as mental health
professionals as they navigate their parental alienation journey (Gardner,
1998). Although there is considerable research and clinical wisdom in our
current knowledge base, PA is still an emerging field. Presently, there is no
credentialing body to provide professionals with an evidence-based training
protocol and/or related information to address the problem of parental
alienation. This parallels the progression in other mental health fields. For
example, although addictions existed well before the 1980's, it wasn't until
1988 that the American Academy of Health Care Providers in the Addictive
Disorders was created to provide credentialing as a Certified Addiction
Specialist. Prior to that, anyone could claim to be an expert in the treatment
of addictions regardless of his or her knowledge, experience, or skill.
This is
problematic because—as a bona fide specialized field of practice—there is a
knowledge base and core content that experts must have to
properly assist families affected by parental alienation and to avoid common
errors that can result in poor outcomes for such families. Such errors are very
common among non-specialists because many aspects of parental alienation are
highly counterintuitive. The field is counterintuitive because the human brain
is hard-wired to commit certain types of systematic cognitive errors that are
particularly common in PA cases (Miller, 2013). Consequently, non-specialists
who attempt to evaluate or manage such cases will often fall prey to a variety
of cognitive and clinical errors, particularly if they rely on naïve intuition
rather than a highly-specialized knowledge base.
Furthermore, such
clinicians are likely to have great confidence in their incorrect conclusions.
Indeed, the usual repertoire of clinical skills is often inadequate in such
cases and will often result in poor clinical and forensic outcomes (Miller,
2013). To avoid such errors, clinicians require highly-specific training in PA
and related family dynamics such as pathological alignment and pathological
enmeshment (Minuchin, 1974; Wallerstein & Kelly, 1980). PA-specific
training and knowledge is required in order to avoid such mistakes. Three
examples are provided here (and mentioned below as axiomatic positions within
the field).
The first is that mental health professionals are
trained to rely on their clinical judgment and impressions when meeting and
working with clients. These impressions form the data points that clinicians
draw on when making decisions about client's mental health status. This is
problematic for PA cases because targeted parents often present as anxious,
agitated, angry, and afraid.
Having sustained severe psychological and emotional
trauma, they are in crisis mode and will therefore often make a poor first
impression. They may have pressured speech. They may display psychomotor
agitation. They may avoid eye contact. They may interrupt the clinician. They
may appear to have an agenda and may even appear paranoid or delusional because
they are likely to believe—accurately, if the case is indeed one of PA—that the
other parent is trying to undermine their relationship with their child.
They are also likely to appear defensive and—not
unreasonably—be unwilling to take responsibility for causing the crisis. In
contrast, alienating parents are likely to make an excellent first impression.
They present as cool, calm, charming, and convincing. They are poised and in
command of their emotions. They are basking in the glow of victory—of their
children's professed preference for them and emphatic rejection of the other
parent. To a PA novice (regardless of how experienced the clinician might be with
other types of cases) the parents' contrasting presentations may seem genuine
and come to dominate hypothesis generation and clinical decision-making as to
the family dynamics.
The children's complaints about the targeted parent
may appear well-founded and their preference for the alienating parent may
appear reasonable. Non-specialists who fail to recognize this characteristic
pat-tern—i.e., that targeted parents generally present poorly and alienating
parents generally present well—are likely to accept the alienating parent's
version of events, especially when provided with an almost identical history by
the child(ren). They are also likely to find the alienating parent more
pleasant and likeable, and thus more sympathetic.
The second counterintuitive aspect of PA, one that is
rarely appreciated by non-specialists, is that in moderate and severe cases the
alienation is usually accompanied by pathological enmeshment. This is
problematic because unless the observer or evaluator has extensive expertise in
this area, pathological enmeshment appears to be—and could be mistaken
for—healthy bonding—a close, loving, healthy, parent-child relationship.
Evaluators who mistake enmeshment for healthy bonding fail to appreciate the
serious psychopathology that is typical of enmeshed parents including
pathological dependence or co-dependence, delusional thinking, and severe
boundary violations.
Such observers may also fail to appreciate that an
enmeshed child has lost his or her identity, sense of self, individuality,
autonomy, and critical reasoning skills to the point that he or she has become
an extension of, and proxy for, the parent. This is potentially catastrophic in
the setting of a custody dispute because
the clinician or custody evaluator, having made these mistakes (often with
great confidence), may then recommend that sole custody be awarded to the
pathologically-enmeshed parent.
If this happens, the child has been entrusted to a
deeply-disturbed, personality-disordered, abusive parent who is incapable of
putting the child's needs ahead of his or her own. Indeed, in our collective
experience, when cases of severe alienation and enmeshment are evaluated by
professionals who are not bona fide specialists in alienation and estrangement
such errors are common.
Third, a non-PA specialist is unlikely to know how to
differentiate an abused child from an alienated child. Alienated children
present as extremely angry, rude, aggressive, and provocative towards the
targeted parent. They are likely to deny ever having had a good relationship
with that parent and are unlikely to express any interest in repairing the
relationship in the future. While this may appear to be a rational response to
abusive parenting, it is actually not the expected response from an abused child.
Research and the clinical literature consistently report that abused children
generally cling to and are protective of the abusive parent. They want to
repair the relationship and forgive the abuser, and they are likely to deny or
minimize past abuse (Baker & Schneiderman, 2015; Clawar & Rivlin, 2013;
Gottlieb, 2012). In fact, it is only alienated children who demonstrate a
particular clinical picture which may—to the untrained clinician—appear to be
consistent with maltreatment.
In sum, there is a knowledge base in the field of
parental alienation that has been gathered through academic research and expert
clinical observation and shared among experts but that is not yet routinely
available to front-line clinicians in the form of a credentialing or training
protocol. In the absence of such credentialing, any mental health professional
can assume the title of an "alienation expert" with respect to
diagnosis, intervention, or treatment regardless of his or her level of actual
knowledge. Because we believe that some mental health professionals naively or
otherwise claim to be PA experts when in fact they are not, we have come together
to provide targeted parents with some guidelines for differentiating true PA
specialists from non-specialists or pseudo-specialists.
Our motivation for undertaking this effort was that we
understand how horrible it is for targeted parents to have their relationship
with their beloved child undermined, disrupted, or damaged by a third party,
either the other parent or some other alienator. Collectively, we have worked
with several thousand parents who want to protect their children from this terrible
form of child abuse.
We know that many targeted parents are avid consumers
of PA knowledge and strive to educate themselves about this problem.
We have come together, as experts in the field, to
help such parents weed through the myriad resources now available on and
off-line and to help them identify accurate and reliable information.
Regrettably, some professionals claim to be experts in PA when, in fact, they
lack the necessary background, credentials, or expertise to properly advise
parents in this regard. Worse, some of these self-proclaimed
"experts" promote ideas that are inconsistent with well-established
scientific principles—that is, their opinions and theories are in conflict with
generally-accepted, evidence-based scientific understanding about what PA is
and how to remedy it.
Unfortunately, it is not always easy for
non-scientists to distinguish between good science and bad science—or between
science and pseudoscience. As the field has grown, and as more and more is
written, there has been an explosion of information on the subject of parental
alienation. There are multiple websites, YouTube videos, blogs, and Facebook
pages devoted to the subject. When sifting through this abundance of
information, it is important to understand that some statements and sources are
more accurate than others. Likewise, some "experts" are more
scientific than others. The purpose of this brief paper is to help targeted
parents identify who is and is not truly an expert in the field.
The rest of this paper is divided into two sections.
First, we present some guidelines as to what a targeted parent should look for
with respect to the background, experience, and credentials of a genuine
expert. Second, we identify core information, fundamental points, and basic
concepts to which an expert should subscribe. These basic premises have been
scientifically validated and are neither controversial nor debatable among
genuine experts who are credible specialists in alienation and estrangement. No
genuine expert in PA should disagree with any of these ideas—they are axiomatic
within the field.
Factors to Consider When Selecting an Alienation
Expert
The qualifications below can be used as a checklist to
identify true expertise as opposed to limited or pseudo-expertise. It is
imperative for the expert to have a strong background and training in relevant
areas—rooted in sound science and the scientific method. While experience as a
targeted/alienated parent, or perhaps a formerly-alienated child, can be very
helpful, personal experience alone is not enough. We believe that it is this
scientific educational background—applied to the phenomenon of PA—that
separates truth from ideology, fact from fiction, and good advice from bad.
Though a genuine expert might not meet every one of these criteria—for
instance, an excellent clinician might not have published any scientific
papers—a true expert should have most of these.
1.- An advanced degree (masters or doctoral) from an accredited educational
institution in a relevant discipline or field. This is not meant to trivialize
the importance of some lay counselors and coaches who, through experience
and/or "on-the-job training" may have much to offer, but it is
critical for targeted parents to understand that, in general, PA is a complex,
complicated problem that generally requires substantial scientific
understanding and professional expertise.
2.- A deep, extensive knowledge of the clinical literature regarding
pathological alignment, al-ienation and estrangement, and pathological
enmeshment, as well substantial knowledge and understanding of borderline,
narcissistic, and sociopathic personality disorders. The reason for the latter point is that such personality disorders
are not only common among alienating parents (and virtually ubiquitous among
severe alienators), but are often missed by non-specialists, in part because
individuals with these disorders tend to be master manipulators who are
charming and highly-skilled at managing first impressions. They also tend to be
pathologically dependent which helps to explain the pathological enmeshment
with the child.
3.- Authored or co-authored published works regarding PA in peer-reviewed
publications. (Self-publication does not meet this criterion.)
4.- Completed educational programs or other training by qualified experts
in relevant areas. These training programs should be recent and should include
advances in research and evi-dence-based practice.
5.- Provided Continuing Education (CE) training to mental health
professionals or Continuing Legal Education (CLE) to legal professionals on
parental alienation. CE and CLE training experience suggests the presenter is a
recognized expert in the subject matter he or she is teaching.
6.- Qualified as an expert in a court of law with respect to PA and related
issues.
7.- Maintained an ongoing, collaborative communication with other experts
in PA in order to benefit from an exchange of ideas and recent advances in the
field.
Scientifically-Derived Consensus Regarding
Parental Alienation
PA was first described decades ago, and has been given
a variety of names. As the problem has become better recognized, our
understanding has become increasingly refined. Evidence-based practice dictates
that the key elements—the various "moving parts"— of PA must be
examined and tested through using the scientific method. The following expert
consensus opinions are the result of this process and form the foundation of
our current understanding of alienation and related issues.
1.- Alienated children present very differently than estranged children.
The similarities are superficial. Although both alienated children and
estranged children will often align with one parent over the other, to expert
eyes—by which we mean a professional who specializes in alienation and
estrangement—it is usually straightforward, if not easy, to distinguish between
the two. On the other hand, the differences are often missed by
non-specialists.
2.- Many aspects of identification and treatment of PA are counterintuitive.
For example, alienated children often appear to have a healthy bond with the
alienating parent although it is actually an unhealthy, enmeshed relationship.
Many alienating parents present well to evaluators and courts although they are
actually engaging in destructive behaviors. Many targeted parents appear
anxious and agitated despite being healthy and competent. For this reason, only
a qualified PA specialist should conduct this work.
3.- Children rarely reject a parent—even an abusive parent. Therefore, in
the absence of bona fide abuse or neglect, when a child strongly aligns with
one parent and emphatically rejects the other, that pattern strongly suggests
alienation—not estrangement.
4.- Clinicians and other professionals should carefully consider severity.
PA is typically a progressive process in which—sometimes gradually, sometimes
suddenly—the child begins to resist contact with and/or reject the
previously-loved targeted parent. Severity should be identified as mild,
moderate, or severe. This is important because, among other things, it allows
the examiner to identify early warning signs of PA which, in turn, permits a
qualified clinician to provide interventions in ways that are customized and
appropriate for the level of severity.
5.- The work of Dr. Richard Gardner (e.g., 1998), a child psychiatrist,
provided a theoretical framework and
conceptual model for understanding the phenomenon. His original insights have
since been validated by both researchers and clinicians. His work was based on
sound scientific principles and generally-accepted standards of psychiatric
practice.
6.- The eight manifestations of parental alienation first identified by Dr.
Gardner are generally-accepted and valid. Although others have been identified,
the original eight are well-established as valid and useful indicators of
alienation, and are rarely, if ever, seen with estrangement. They have been
tested empirically and found to be accurate, valid, and reliable.
7.- The seventeen alienation behaviors described by Dr.
Amy J.L. Baker are research-supported and evidence-based. They provide a valid
and reliable set of useful indicators with which to assess the behavior of
favored parents with respect to PA.
8.- Although some cases are hybrids, the assertion that
most cases are hybrids (meaning a mix of alienation and estrangement) is not
supported by the clinical literature.
9.- Children do not have the cognitive maturity or the capacity to make an
informed decision about whether to have a relationship with a parent. They
cannot imagine the implications of having a parent absent from their lives, and
do not necessarily know what is in their best interest. Nor do they genuinely
want the power to cut a parent out of their lives.
10.- Children (and adults) can be unduly influenced by
emotional manipulation to act against their own best interests. They can be
misled to believe things that are not true, even about a parent. It is possible
to induce false memories in children and/or to program children to relate
events—often sincerely and convincingly (at least to naïve or unwary
observers)—that, in fact, did not take place or did not take place in the way
described.
11.- Many, but not necessarily all, alienating parents have
one or more personality disorders (typically of the borderline, narcissistic
and/or sociopathic type). The more extreme or severe the alienating behavior,
the more likely it is that the alienating parent has an underlying personality
disorder.
12.- Parental alienation is a form of child abuse, specifically
psychological and emotional abuse. It meets the diagnostic criteria for child
psychological abuse as described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of
Mental Disorders (the DSM-5) published by the American Psychiatric Association
(2013).
13.- Although Dr. Gardner popularized the concept and
clarified many of the definitions and subsets inherent in the determination of
what PA means, its development, and its deleterious effects upon the family,
the concept appeared long before Dr. Gardner first wrote about the problem in
1985.
14.- The model provided by Dr. Gardner has provided an
excellent framework for both diagnosis and treatment. Although it has been
refined and enhanced over the past 30 years, the basic concepts remain valid.
Virtually all of the successful treatment programs for PA are based on his
original model. Despite unsupported claims to the contrary, no alternative
model has been shown to be clinically, theoretically, or scientifically
superior. For the most part, proposed alternatives provide little or no outcome
data and/or appear to be neither clinically, nor theoretically, nor
scientifically sound.
15.- Only reunification therapy provided by a PA specialist
who thoroughly understands the clinical and scientific points in this paper,
and whose treatment plan is highly-customized for PA based on sound scientific
evidence and clinical outcome data, is recommended. Team-based "intensive
reunification therapy" is appropriate in treating moderate to severe
alienation while traditional in-office, out-patient reunification therapy may
have its place when considering treatment for mild alienation. The treatment should be
appropriately matched to the family.
We hope this information will be helpful in obtaining
qualified advice or assistance.
Amy J. L. Baker, Ph.D.
Steven G. Miller, M.D.
J. Michael Bone, Ph.D.
And in alphabetical order
Katherine Andre, Ph.D.
Rebecca Bailey, Ph.D.
William Bernet, M.D.
Doug Darnall, Ph.D.
Robert Evans, Ph.D .
Linda Kase Gottlieb, LMFT, LCSW-R Demosthenes
Lorandos, Ph.D., J.D. Kathleen Reay, Ph.D.
S. Richard Sauber, Ph.D.
References and Recommended Reading
Baker, A.J.L. (2007). Adult children of parental
alienation syndrome: Breaking the ties that bind. New York, NY: W.W. Norton.
Baker, A.J.L. (2006). The power of stories: Stories
about power: Why therapists and clients should read stories about the parental
alienation syndrome.
American Journal of Family Therapy,34(3), 191-203.
Baker, A.J.L., & Andre, K. (2015). Getting
through my parents' divorce: A workbook for children coping with
divorce, parental alienation, and loyalty conflicts. Oakland, CA: New
Harbinger Publications.
Baker, A.J.L, Bone, M., & Ludmer, B. (2014). High
conflict custody battle survival guide. Oakland, CA: New
Harbingers.
Baker, A.J.L., & Darnall, D. (2006). Behaviors and
strategies of parental alienation: A survey of parental experiences. Journal
of Divorce and Remarriage, 45 (1/2), 97-124.
Baker, A.J.L., & Eichler, A. (2014). College
student childhood exposure to parental loyalty conflicts. Families in Society, 95,59-66.
Baker, A.J.L., & Fine, P. (2014). Co parenting
with a toxic ex: What to do when your ex spouse tries to turn the kids against
you. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.
Baker, A.J.L., & Fine, P. (2014). Surviving
parental alienation: A journey of hope and healing. Latham, MD:
Rowman & Littlefield.
Baker, A. J. L., & Sauber, S. R. (Eds.) (2013).
Working with alienated children and families: A
clinical guidebook. New York:
Routledge.
Baker, A.J.L., & Schneiderman, M. (2015). Bonded
to the abuser: How victims make sense of childhood abuse. Latham, MD:
Rowman & Littlefield.
Bernet, W., Baker, A.J.L., & Verrocchio, M.C.
(2015). Symptom-Checklist-90-Revised
Scores in Adult Children Exposed to Alienating Behaviors:
An Italian Sample. Journal of Forensic Sciences, 60(2), 357-362.
Bernet, W., Boch-Galhau, W.v., Baker, A.J.L., & Morrison,
S. (2010). Parental Alienation, DSM-V, and ICD-11. American Journal of
Family Therapy, 38, 76-187.
Clawar, S. S., & Rivlin, B. V. (2013). Children
Held Hostage: Identifying brainwashed children, presenting a case, and
crafting solutions, 2nd ed. Chicago, IL: American Bar Association.
Darnall, D. (2010). Beyond divorce casualties: Reunifying
the alienated family. Lantham, MD: Taylor Trade Publishing.
Gardner, R.A. (1998). The parental alienation syndrome,
2nd ed. Cresskill, NJ: Creative Thera-peutics.
Gardner, R. A., Sauber, S. R., & Lorandos, D.
(2006). The international handbook of parental alienation syndrome:
Conceptual, clinical and legal considerations. Springfield, IL: Charles C
Thomas.
Gottlieb, L. J. (2012). Parental alienation
syndrome: A family therapy and collaborative systems approach to
amelioration. Springfield, IL: Charles C Thomas.
Lorandos, D., Bernet, W., & Sauber, S. R. (2013). Parental
alienation: The handbook for mental health and legal professionals. Springfield,
IL: Charles C Thomas.
Miller, S.G. (2013). Clinical reasoning and decision
making in cases of child alignment: Diagnostic and therapeutic issues. In A.
Baker & S. R. Sauber (Eds.), Working with alienated children and families:
A clinical guidebook (pp. 8-46). New York, NY: Routledge.
Minuchin, S. (1974). Families and family therapy. Cambridge,
MA: Harvard University Press.
Reay, K. (2015). Family Reflections: A promising
therapeutic program designed to treat severely alienated children and their
family system. American Journal of Family Therapy, 43(2), 197-207.
Verrocchio, M.C., & Baker, A.J.L. (2015). Italian
adults' recall of childhood exposure to parental loyalty conflicts. Journal of Child and
Family Studies, 24(1), 95-105.
Wallerstein, J. S., & Kelly, J. B. (1980). Surviving
the breakup: How parents and children cope with divorce. New York:
Basic Books.
Warshak, R. A. (2010). Divorce poison: How to protect
your family from badmouthing and brainwashing. New York: Harper
Paperbacks.
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